Holly Hobby

Can a person have too many hobbies? If anyone would know, it would be me. I’m what I call a “hobbyist,” meaning that one of my chief hobbies is collecting hobbies. I’ve taken up countless hobbies, most of with which I never get too deeply involved.  I tend to get really gung-ho about something, decide I want to fully pursue it, and then get distracted by something else. This is very frustrating to my husband, who over the years has witnessed me dedicate much time, space, and money to various abandoned pursuits. What can I say? I’m a Renaissance woman with a multitude of interests! I’ve compiled a list of my current hobbies. (List-making is a hobby of mine, you know.) These are the hobbies which I am currently pursuing, just beginning to dabble in, or haven’t completely abandoned yet:

1. Hobbying (collecting hobbies)
2. List-making
3. Writing
4. Drawing
5. Hula-hoop making
6. Hula-hooping
7. Harmonica
8. Fiddle
9. Painting
10. Miscellaneous crafting
11. Cooking
12. Baking
13. Hiking
14. Running
15. Blogging
16. Planking
17. Owling
18. Singing
19. Rock collecting
20. Coin & currency collecting
21. Plant identification
22. Clover hunting & collecting
23. Learning American Sign Language
24. Puzzles
25. Jewelry making
26. Reading
27. Nail art
28. Wine connoisseurship
29. Seashell collecting
30. Amateur linguistic phonology
31. Telekinesis
32. Drugs
33. Sex
34. Rock ‘n’ roll
35. I’m just kidding about those last 3.
36. Or am I?
37. Are you still reading this?
38. DIY home improvement projects
39. Pet photography
40. Radio surfing
41. Observing obscure holidays (Today is National Pickle Day!)
42. Celebrity impressions (I do a mean Aaron Neville, let me tell ya.)

Again, those are just my current hobbies, not the ones I’ve long since given up (e.g. sculpting, phrenology, building a time machine…) I think I have a problem. It can be frustrating to have so many unfinished projects, but then again, I’m still young, and hopefully, I’ll have a long life ahead of me to devote to my pursuits. I'm counting down the days till retirement and becoming a full-time hobbyist!

This is a picture of me planking on planks. [Not recommended for the novice planker.]
I will now try to include photos on all blog posts in case you want to link to my blog on Pinterest! (You know, if you want...no pressure.)

Secret Ingredient Chili

It seems like everybody’s got a “secret ingredient” that makes their chili superior to everyone else’s. Some use chocolate; some use beer…sugar…soda… We’ve all heard the stories of these unusual additions jazzing up the ho-hum, everyday chili recipes that we’re used to.  Well, I was making chili this evening, and I thought to myself, ‘Let’s put some of these secret ingredients to the test…Ah, heck! Let’s just throw ‘em all in there!’ As I was standing over my bubbling cauldron, cackling proudly at my brilliant creation, I decided to call it “Secret Ingredient Chili.”

When I was done making my masterpiece chili, I had the idea to see how much popularity it can gain on the Pinterest, so I am posting it on my blog. I think it’ll really take the Pinterest-world by storm. It’s delicious! So good it’ll make you smack your grandma! Guaranteed to snag you the man of your dreams and win you first prize in the chili cook-off at the county fair!*

(I didn’t really measure the amounts of ingredients as I was cooking, so the recipe below is my best estimate of how you, too, can create “Secret Ingredient Chili” at home.)

“Secret Ingredient Chili”

1 lb ground turkey (or beef…I used turkey)
1 small onion, chopped
1 c diced bell pepper (yellow, red, and orange)
2 cloves minced garlic
2 Tbsp olive oil
1 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce
1 packet mild chili seasoning mix
1 tsp red pepper flakes
1 can beer
½ can cola
2 cans light red kidney beans (drained)
2 cans diced tomatoes
2 Tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder
2 Tbsp sugar
1 Tbsp chili powder
1 tsp garlic powder
Salt & pepper

Ok…I’ll do my best to describe how I made this chili. I’ve never done a recipe on my blog before…

Heat the olive oil in a Dutch oven on high heat. Add the onion and bell pepper. Season with salt, and sauté until peppers and onions begin to soften. Add the garlic and red pepper flakes, and continue to sauté until fragrant.

Add the ground turkey to the pan. Season with salt, pepper, and Worcestershire sauce.  When the turkey is browned, stir in chili seasoning mix, garlic powder, chili powder, and cocoa. (I would’ve skipped the seasoning packet and developed my own seasoning blend if I’d known I was going to publish this recipe, but I’d already bought the packet. You could increase the amount of garlic and chili powders and add cumin if you prefer.)

Alright, here comes the good part! Pour in the beer! I used Yuengling Light, because that’s what I had in the fridge. I reckon you could use whatever beer you like. I bet a stout beer would taste very good in this chili.

Next, stir in the beans and tomatoes. At this point, when I was making my chili, I noticed a half-full can of coke on the counter and decided to pour that in as well. I think it was a good decision. I tasted my chili, and it begged for a little sugar, so I gave it a few shakes from the sugar canister, which I also feel  was a good decision.

Reduce the heat, and simmer the chili for about 1.5 hours.

Voila!

I suggest serving with a spoonful of sour cream and a corn muffin.

Disclaimer: No grandmothers were actually smacked due to the consumption of this chili.

*Guarantees not redeemable for value of any kind. 

Cold Enough For Ya?

I have been pretty bummed about the non-operational status of our air conditioner for the last couple of weeks. If you are wondering why I might need air conditioning in the Fall, then you obviously ain’t from around here, and consequently, you know not about Tennessee weather.  There is a precise pivotal moment every Fall in Tennessee in which the weather goes from about 90° to 50° in an instant. Everyone looks around, thinking to themselves, ‘Boy, it sure did get cold all of a sudden!’ This occurs every October, and this year, it happened this past Saturday. So for most of the last 2 weeks, my house has been a sweltering hot box, and I’ve done what I can to keep the temperature down – opened the windows, run fans, etc.  

No air conditioning also means no heat. Since the pivot, it’s been getting pretty cool around here. This morning, the temperature was about 40° (a blistery, wintery cold in these parts).  I felt a chilly bite on my toes after getting out of bed, which means that it is time to bite the bullet and get the heat/air fixed.  I’ve been putting it off as long as possible. When things around the house stop working, I try to look at the bright side. ‘Think of all the money we’re saving on the power bill,’ I tell myself. ‘That will help pay for the upcoming repair. And hopefully, this cold air will help with our bug problem!’ (In case you’re wondering, it’s not the kind of bug problem you get from your house being nasty…It’s a different kind of bug problem. Don’t judge.) One way I try to look at the bright side is to reminisce about all the worse household problems we’ve had in the past.

“This is not nearly as bad as those winters we went without heat,” I said to my husband. “It was much colder then. Remember?” (As if he could forget. He stays bundled up with a space heater under his desk all summer.) “Or the whole summer we went without air conditioning and we slept on the living room floor in front of the open front door with a box fan? Or those years when we only had enough hot water to fill up a sink? Remember trying to take baths by heating up water in pots on the stove and a turkey pan in the oven? And 2-minute showers? At least we have hot water now.”

“True,” he eloquently replied.

Not only do we have plenty of hot water now, we also have a front door that doesn’t fall off when people try to use it. In our old place, we frequently had to yell at our guests to try to stop them from opening the door. If not opened properly, the plastic veneers would fall off the Styrofoam door; the whole thing would come apart, and it would take an hour, 2 people, and 4 screwdrivers to wedge it all back together. Our frequent visitors became accustomed to walking up the door and waiting for us to let them out.

There were also several times in that old place that we had no water at all. Usually, this was not because we didn’t pay our bill (usually), but because of several plumbing issues that arose and caused us to have to shut off the water to the house to avoid further indoor flooding. I used to bring a couple of empty jugs to work with me so I could take water home for cooking, showers, and toilet-flushing. I became quite proficient at the 1/3-gallon-of-water-shower.

Compared to years past, we are living in the lap of luxury. No longer do we let our kitchen sink drain into a bucket that we carry upstairs to dump in the toilet. Sure, we still have household problems. The lights often go out in the kitchen, and the only way to get them to come back on is to tap on the outlet behind the table. But, at least we have light. And, I try to remember that things could be (and have been) much worse. We may not be living high on the hog, but these days, we’re much more comfortable. Or at least we will be once we get this heat fixed. 

Redemption Verse

A blog of such a typically jocose nature tends to go by the wayside in its author’s difficult times. However, I would like resume the whimsical blogging I have enjoyed in the past, so I will transition back to Blog Land with this little verse I wrote recently (and after that, it’s no more Mr. Melancholy-Guy)…

Spared from the strike of uncounted stones cast recklessly from the shadows,[1]

I alone am left standing in the midst. [2]

Not one of us can read the writing on the ground,[3]

And my own eyes are full of dust. [4]

But with all things possible,[5]

I remarkably and gracefully become as the tree,[6]

Cut down – unquestionably, [7]

But to sprout again with capable braches anew. [8]

---

[1] John 8:7

[2] John 8:3,9

[3] John 8:6,8

[4] Matt. 7:3-5

[5] Matt. 19:26; Mark 9:23, 10:27; Phil. 4:13

[6] Job 14:7

[7] Matt. 3:10, 7:19; Luke 3:9

[8] Job 14:7, Matt. 7:17-8; Luke 6:43-4

I can only think of one word that rhymes with "Nantucket."

Very soon, I will get to cross another item off my bucket list: to travel abroad. I've not really had a particular location in mind to fulfill this dream, as long as it was “abroad.” Up to this point, the closest I've come to International travel is that I have spent a day in Canada and a day in Mexico. Soon, I will be leaving North America for the first time to spend some time in England, Scotland, and Ireland! I love to travel and see new places, so I am very excited!

I've been fortunate enough to be able to cross several items off of my bucket list over the last several years (e.g. finishing college and flossing regularly). I even created a list of things that I probably would've put on my bucket list if I had not already done them before I got around to putting them on there (e.g. meeting Charlie Daniels, riding an elephant, and seeing UFOs). But still, I have plenty left on my list to accomplish. And, I do make small revisions to the sucker every couple of years as my goals and interests change.

A lot of the goals on my bucket list are pretty general, so that I have a better chance of achieving them. For example, I would love to learn another language. Specifically, I would like to learn ASL, but if I become fluent in Spanish, I want to be able to cross that huge accomplishment off my list. So, I have opted just to list “learn another language” rather than “learn ASL.” Make sense? As for me and my bucket list, I have decided to set many realistic, achievable goals so that I can celebrate my successes, while still “reaching for the stars” in some areas.

Now that you know all the back story, I present you with my current list:

Write a children's book and have it published.

Travel abroad.
Time travel.
Learn another language.
See each of the New 7 Wonders of the World.
Become telekenetic.
Ride a horse.
Learn to play a musical instrument.
Join MENSA.
Quit my job and vagabond across the country.
Swim with dolphins.
Be on a gameshow.
Ride in a hot air balloon.
Eat truffles (the mushrooms, not the chocolates).

(If I added all the specific places to which I'd like to travel, the list would be about two pages longer.)

I must say, my current list looks much more jazzy than the one I had two years ago. I'm sure my list will look completely different in another two years. I anticipate, within that time-frame, crossing off at least 7 items. :)

O Reuben, Where Art Thou?

It's St. Patrick's Day! I, like most folks, usually celebrate the holiday with the consumption of festive food and drink. Tonight, I will be making Reuben sandwiches. I have always wondered about the history of this culinary delight. I don't believe they are actually Irish. My sister and I were discussing this very issue yesterday, so I decided to re-post a blurb from an older blog about my thoughts on the topic.

(Originally posted on August 5, 2006 on “Amber: The Woman, The Legend, The Blog.”)

“So, I've been thinking...What nationality is a Reuben sandwich? It's got corned beef, which I think is Irish. Sauerkraut-that's got to be German. Swiss cheese-I haven't the foggiest idea where that comes from.(Just kidding.) I know Thousand Island dressing is a variation of Russian dressing, but based on the name, it really could have come from almost anywhere. And rye bread I just don't know about. It's a Jewish bread, but I'm pretty sure it didn't come from the Holy Land. Maybe it comes from New York, I don't know. I don't know what kind of name "Reuben" is. I think it is Hebrew. By the way, is a Reuben sandwich kosher? It's got beef and cheese, so I guess not. Either way, I must say the Reuben is one very eclectic and diverse little sandwich. And it is oh so delicious...”

I will also be making chocolate stout cupcakes with Irish cream/cream cheese frosting and Irish coffee. Mmmm.

A Picnic in the Park

It was a lovely day, almost Spring, and the sun was shining after the last night's rain. I decided to get out and enjoy the day after spending a hefty portion of the week cooped up inside my office. I threw a novel, pencil and paper, my camera, and a peanut butter sandwich into a bag and headed to the park. I envisioned myself having a Thoreau -esque experience, basking in the inspiration of nature, writing and reading on the banks of the park's streams.

I arrived feeling optimistic. The air was brisk. I turned my face toward the sunshine and the pleasant breeze, taking it all in before I set out on a trail to enjoy a nice walk and find the perfect spot for my creative paradise. As I rounded the bend of the trail, I saw that the aforementioned rains had caused the park's streams to runneth over and flood the trail. “No worries,” I thought to myself. “I'll just go around it.”

I walked off the trail, through the grass, successfully circumventing the watery path. Then, I stepped into some tall grass, and my foot sank into the cold, muddy water. My heart was not far behind it. I was up to my ankles, and I could find no dry ground to stand on. I trudged out of the swampy mess and started back to my car, feeling defeated. My shoes and socks squished beneath my feet.

As I neared the parking lot, I decided not to leave until I'd done what I'd come for and enjoyed my day off, writing in the beauty of nature. No wet shoes were going to ruin my day! I sat at a picnic table to have my sandwich and compose the masterpiece I'd intended.

In the shady covering of the pavilion, the wind whipped around my soggy feet. The pages of my notebook flapped wildly. As I sat, cramming peanut butter sandwich into my mouth and trying to enjoy my solitude, two men stepped under the pavilion with their dogs and tried to strike up some conversation. I smiled and nodded, but didn't say much in effort to politely hint that I would prefer to focus on my writing than to engage in friendly chit chat. They mosied on out, and I again took pencil to paper.

I soon became distracted again by a lady with white earphones who had arrived at the park around the same time I had. She kept be-bopping past me in her walking garb. Her feet looked smugly dry. The sun shone on her bouncy brown hair. I watched her through squinted eyes, hunched over in the shadows, shivering, and doing my best to keep the moisture inside my nose.

“I drove all the way out here; I'm going to enjoy nature, dagnabbit!” I stepped away from my seat at the table and into the sunshine in search of comforting warmth. The wind continued to mock me and blew my belongings off the table. I chased them down, muttering and cursing the day and my stupid love of stupid nature. I left the park, cold and grumpy, and the only thing I was inspired to write was this crummy blog.

Waxing Melancholy

“Everybody thinks their way of living is the best.”

I said this to my friend years ago, and while the statement is not 100% grammatically correct, I think it rings true. My friend still quotes me on this phrase, but often, it is to indirectly express his disapproval at my decisions.

I have come to realize that not every decision in life is of the utmost importance.

You may be reading this and thinking, “Amber, this is quite an atypical blog for you.” You wouldn't be wrong. Lately, I've been getting back in touch with my more pensive side, thinking about life, purpose, meaning...you know, tortured poet kind of stuff.

So, back to the issue of importance. What is important? And is it really that important to categorize whether things are important, and if so, to what degree? Maybe sometimes. Could I be a little more vague? Perhaps.

What I do know is that things that seemed important to me one year ago no longer seem so crucial. And who knows? Maybe one year from now, they will again. I think, like all things in nature, people are cyclical. Of course, my central values remain static, but the rest of my ideas are more fluid and kind of ebb and flow around the midpoint. Will I regret some decisions later on? Of course, at least somewhat. Life comes with regrets. But, are they really that important? In the grand scheme of things, most likely not. I don't want to live a life of regret for the things I've done, but it seems just as likely that I may regret the things I did not do. I don't want to be ruled by this fear.

Why did I put this entry on the Internet for all to see instead of in my journal where my pseudo philosophical babblings usually go? I'm not sure, but I have a feeling I might regret it. But right now, I don't care.

.....

If you read this whole entry waiting for something witty, sorry. No refunds.

Please, Amber, don't hurt 'em!

Faithful readers, the long-awaited time has come for me to answer some of your fan mail! With the grotesque amount of correspondence that floods my mailbox each day, it would be utterly impossible to answer all of it, but I have featured a select few below, along with my responses. Enjoy!

Dear Amber,

I have been reading your blogs for years. You are, hands-down, my favorite celebrity, dead or alive! I just have one question for you: Do you plan to feature more lists on your blog in the near future? I hope so, because I love lists!

Thanks,

Listless in Lincoln

Dear Listless,

Of course I plan to feature more lists on my blog! In fact, I will do so right now! Here is a little list I've put together of things that would be fun to make lists of:

Songs with numbers in the titles

Funny brand names of generic groceries

Creatures that live in the sea

All the colors I can think of

Palindromes

Live. Laugh. List.

- Amber

Dear Amber,

Did you really hula hoop with Charlie Daniels?

Sincerely,

Wondering in Walla Walla

Dear Wondering,

Yes, I did.

-Amber

Dear Hambone,

I love your blog so much, and I read it every day, even though you only post just every once in while. But, I do think your life sounds awfully exciting for your blog to be called “From the Mundane.” I wish my life was as awesome as yours. Oh, and also, you are very beautiful. Could you please share some of your beauty secrets? Thank you.

Your biggest fan,

Homely in Hoboken

Dear Homely,

I'd be glad to share my beauty regimen with you! In fact, I'll let you in on the very same gussyin' up routine I used this week to get all pretty for my fancy-pants Valentine's Day date. The first (and probably most important) step to making yourself gorgeous is a good shower. However, I was running a little behind, so I forewent the shower in favor of a quick Febrezing and an axillary dry-shave, followed by a once-over with a magazine perfume ad. I really didn't have time for make-up either, so I pinched some color into my cheeks and ate a strawberry on my way out the door to give my lips a nice, berry-red tint. Oh, yes, and my hair was very flat that day, so in the car, I fashioned a makeshift “bumpit” from a toilet paper tube. Flawless! I believe you will find that this low-maintenance routine can easily fit into any busy lifestyle.

-Amber

Dear Amber,

What is your greatest fear?

Signed,

Curious in Kalamazoo

Dear Curious,

This is not an easy question for me to answer. I am scared of a lot of things (most of them irrational)... shark attacks, snakes in the bathtub, snakes in the toilet, snakes in the bed, Hover cops, shadow demons... and especially...BEES! And SHARK ATTACKS! But especially BEES!! I lose my freakin' mind when I see a bee! I'm not sure why, either. I don't think I'm allergic, because I was stung once when I was a kid, and I know that the stings don't really hurt that bad, but I lose all sensibility when I encounter one of the horrifying creatures in person. (In bee?) So, just call me apiphobic...or melissophobic. (I've always wondered why there are two names for my plight. It's like I'm being double-judged...) Just don't call me late for dinner!

-Amber

Please don't take out the trash.

In keeping with the theme of my last blog entry, I shall share a picture of my latest arts and crafts project.

I scheduled a craft day with a friend, and this is the best I could come up with. Painted rocks. A bee, a country cottage, a genteel frog having tea, a ladybug, and blue flowers.

BUT, this blog entry is not about crafts. No, I called this blog to order because I have a confession to make. I must divulge a dirty, filthy little secret, known until this day by a very select few. It is one that will probably change my readers' opinions of me and may even cause me to lose friends. Here goes...

I love trashy television.

I'm talking lowbrow, dramalicious, no-intellectual-value-whatsoever, plain, old swill: reality court shows, talk shows, teenage mama dramas, wife trading shows. Yes, I like my TV just a little on the trashy side...Okay, not just a little; the trashier, the better! (Well, to a point. Sometimes the Jersey Shore can be a tad too smutty for my taste.) 

This may come as a shock to some and seem out of character to those who know me but did not previously share in my little secret. I feel that I make up for my affinity for the raffish by offsetting it with other very classy (maybe even a bit hoity toity) interests such as classical music and wine appreciation, but trashy TV viewing has been my guilty pleasure for years.

Almost as much as I enjoy the programs themselves, I also delight in the commercials that air during such tawdry broadcasting. The usual fare consists of ads for local attorneys who want to help me receive the disability benefits I deserve, companies who want to help me earn my degree online and make up to one million more dollars over the course of my lifetime, and websites and telephone hotlines that want to help me find my soul mate. But, my favorite commercials are the ones for all the useful and innovative new products I can order simply by calling the 800-numbers listed on my screen! I always finding myself L'ingOL at the black & white nincompoops who cannot successfully complete everyday tasks such as putting on shoes or straining pasta by traditional means without disaster nipping at their heels.

One of my latest favorite product ads is the one for Easy Feet, a handy, hands-free device that helps you clean your feet in the bath or shower. (It's like a carwash for your feet!) You can use the nifty suction cups to secure the contraption to a variety of convenient locations throughout your bathroom, as shown in the commercial by the satisfied customer who suctions the dern thing shoulder high on the wall. (Not sure how that's more convenient that bending down to wash your feet with a rag, but to each his own.) Another clip shows a woman soaking in a bubble bath full of rose petals, sipping wine and cleaning her feet with her luxurious new bathtub companion. My favorite part about the ad is the special offer of not one, but two Easy Feet systems included in the regular price. That's one for each foot!

Whew! Feels good to get all that off my chest. Actually, I guess that was kind of two confessions in one: my love for trashy TV and for cheesy commercials. Whatever. I'll sleep easier now having no longer to hide these skeletons in my closet. Good night.

Crafty Like A Fox

Well, it seems that I have not blogged in quite some time. (Holidays and whatnot...you know how it is...) I have been keeping myself rather busy; I've just not been chronicling it. One of my more recent projects? A 365-day arts/craft project. I know what you're thinking, because I thought the same thing, too: “Can you do a 365-day project on a leap year??” Well, that has yet to be determined.

It all started with a Christmas gift from a dear friend. You see, this friend of mine knows how much I like to start new hobbies, so for Christmas, he got me Noah Scalin's book, 365: A Daily Creativity Journal: Make Something Every Day and Change Your Life! The idea is that the reader will create some kind of art every day for one year. This particular gift-giving friend also knows my history of fizzling out on the hobbies I start, so if he is reading this blog entry, he has probably guessed by now that I began the project with much gusto, but I have since slowed down considerably.

After one week's worth of arting and crafting, I found the project to be a bit too daunting for everyday. (Especially with my over-abundance of other hobbies waiting in the wings...) I'm thinking of using the book as a guide to spark creativity when I'm in a rut, rather than try to do a daily project and get discouraged when I inevitably fail. Either way, the book is full of good ideas to get the creative juices flowing, as evidenced by the photographs of the inspired works of art I have created so far.

Without any further ado, photos of my week-long creative journey!

The book that started it all.

My first assignment being to make something that would fit in the palm of my hand, I bedazzled this little seashell.

A wire sculpture inspired by one of my favorite animals.

"Sticks and Leaves on a Park Bench" (I was to make something with whatever materials I could find after walking for 10 minutes.)

A sweet Sharpie tattoo I made for my husband.

Some of my fantastic coin collection.

An origami dinosaur chilling out on a park bench in my office.

Last, but certainly not least, a picture of a unicorn drawn with a strawberry.

Will I continue crafting? You bet your sweet arts I will! Can a 365-day crafts project be done on a leap year? Maybe, but not by me.