Tuesday, July 22, 2014

The Vice President of Wiener Affairs

There I sat, like an idiot, eating my hot dogs, thinking I was appropriately celebrating National Hot Dog Day last Saturday. Today, much to my chagrin, I learned that I’d been misinformed and my celebration was grossly premature.

My downfall into hot dog disgrace began when I went to work today. A co-worker announced to me, “Tomorrow is National Hot Dog Day!” (I have a bit of a reputation for my knowledge and celebration of obscure holidays, so people often call these off-beat occasions to my attention.)

“Nuh-uh!” I responded. “It was last Saturday.”

We argued in this manner for a while until I decided to consult the fount of all wisdom that is the Internet. I found reputable sources citing both dates as the official day for celebrating the Holiest of all Hot Dog-Related Holidays and could not seem to find resolution for my wiener crisis. 

I had no other choice. I took the matter all the way up to the nation’s capital and telephoned the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council in Washington, DC. I decided to call the Vice President of Wiener Affairs. (I figured surely the Council President -“The Queen of Wien,” as she is titled- would be too busy to take my call, with this being the busy hot dog season and all. It’s also National Hot Dog month, you know.) I dialed his desk phone; I didn’t think the matter was urgent enough to call his cell. He answered surprisingly quickly. I introduced myself and explained to him that I, a concerned constituent, was confused about the official date of National Hot Dog Day and requested clarification. He patiently explained that the date changes each year and is dependent on when they (the esteemed members of the Hot Dog and Sausage Council) hold their Hot Dog Day in the capital, which is usually the 3rd or 4th Wednesday in July. This year, it will be on July 23rd.

So, there you have it. It’s tomorrow. And now, I find myself ill-prepared for the upcoming holiday and feeling ashamed of my untimely prior celebration, although I will be definitely be celebrating again tomorrow on the real, true National Hot Dog Day.