Wednesday, March 6, 2013

“A Higher Plane of Existence” (Or “These Tacos be Loco!”)


In keeping with the theme of blogging about life and its meaning, I would like to share some things about a related topic that is very dear to me: Dorito tacos.

I don’t know about you, but when Taco Bell announced its launch of the original Dorito Taco, life suddenly seemed to make so much more sense to me. Two of my favorite things in this world, Doritos and tacos, had finally been combined for the whole world to enjoy! The only thing I questioned was why it took mankind so long to finally accomplish such culinary perfection. My mom used to make taco salad with Doritos, and I loved it, but Taco Bell took this magnificent combination and put it in a convenient fast-food package. Genius. However, a while after the initial excitement over my beloved Dorito tacos, I found that, somewhere deep within my being, there was still a vague and lingering void, some sense that there must be even more to life. Today, I found it: Cool Ranch Dorito tacos. I now feel that my life is complete.

After my enlightening Cool Ranch Dorito taco experience today (a day earlier than the “official” launch date, might I add), I feel that I am now truly “living mas,” and I was inspired to compose a poem…

Ode to Dorito Tacos
Not nachos, chalupas, nor even burritos,
Can compare to a taco that‘s forged in Dorito. 
An explosion on each of my taste receptors!
Girded in cardboard hand protector,
Whether classic nacho or cooler ranch,
Not a speck of Dorito dust will sully my hands.
You deeply move me, my beloved taco,
Like Elaine’s boyfriend, Brett, and the song “Desperado.”
You may be skeptical of words so trite,
But believe you me, it was love at first bite.
Long gone are the days when the burger was king,
All Hail the Dorito taco, who reigneth supreme!


I would like to point out that I am in no way endorsed by Taco Bell. (Although, TB, if you’re looking for a spokesperson, I’d be more than happy to be your Jared Fogle.)


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