Please, Amber, don't hurt 'em!

Faithful readers, the long-awaited time has come for me to answer some of your fan mail! With the grotesque amount of correspondence that floods my mailbox each day, it would be utterly impossible to answer all of it, but I have featured a select few below, along with my responses. Enjoy!

Dear Amber,

I have been reading your blogs for years. You are, hands-down, my favorite celebrity, dead or alive! I just have one question for you: Do you plan to feature more lists on your blog in the near future? I hope so, because I love lists!

Thanks,

Listless in Lincoln

Dear Listless,

Of course I plan to feature more lists on my blog! In fact, I will do so right now! Here is a little list I've put together of things that would be fun to make lists of:

Songs with numbers in the titles

Funny brand names of generic groceries

Creatures that live in the sea

All the colors I can think of

Palindromes

Live. Laugh. List.

- Amber

Dear Amber,

Did you really hula hoop with Charlie Daniels?

Sincerely,

Wondering in Walla Walla

Dear Wondering,

Yes, I did.

-Amber

Dear Hambone,

I love your blog so much, and I read it every day, even though you only post just every once in while. But, I do think your life sounds awfully exciting for your blog to be called “From the Mundane.” I wish my life was as awesome as yours. Oh, and also, you are very beautiful. Could you please share some of your beauty secrets? Thank you.

Your biggest fan,

Homely in Hoboken

Dear Homely,

I'd be glad to share my beauty regimen with you! In fact, I'll let you in on the very same gussyin' up routine I used this week to get all pretty for my fancy-pants Valentine's Day date. The first (and probably most important) step to making yourself gorgeous is a good shower. However, I was running a little behind, so I forewent the shower in favor of a quick Febrezing and an axillary dry-shave, followed by a once-over with a magazine perfume ad. I really didn't have time for make-up either, so I pinched some color into my cheeks and ate a strawberry on my way out the door to give my lips a nice, berry-red tint. Oh, yes, and my hair was very flat that day, so in the car, I fashioned a makeshift “bumpit” from a toilet paper tube. Flawless! I believe you will find that this low-maintenance routine can easily fit into any busy lifestyle.

-Amber

Dear Amber,

What is your greatest fear?

Signed,

Curious in Kalamazoo

Dear Curious,

This is not an easy question for me to answer. I am scared of a lot of things (most of them irrational)... shark attacks, snakes in the bathtub, snakes in the toilet, snakes in the bed, Hover cops, shadow demons... and especially...BEES! And SHARK ATTACKS! But especially BEES!! I lose my freakin' mind when I see a bee! I'm not sure why, either. I don't think I'm allergic, because I was stung once when I was a kid, and I know that the stings don't really hurt that bad, but I lose all sensibility when I encounter one of the horrifying creatures in person. (In bee?) So, just call me apiphobic...or melissophobic. (I've always wondered why there are two names for my plight. It's like I'm being double-judged...) Just don't call me late for dinner!

-Amber