Please don't take out the trash.

In keeping with the theme of my last blog entry, I shall share a picture of my latest arts and crafts project.

I scheduled a craft day with a friend, and this is the best I could come up with. Painted rocks. A bee, a country cottage, a genteel frog having tea, a ladybug, and blue flowers.

BUT, this blog entry is not about crafts. No, I called this blog to order because I have a confession to make. I must divulge a dirty, filthy little secret, known until this day by a very select few. It is one that will probably change my readers' opinions of me and may even cause me to lose friends. Here goes...

I love trashy television.

I'm talking lowbrow, dramalicious, no-intellectual-value-whatsoever, plain, old swill: reality court shows, talk shows, teenage mama dramas, wife trading shows. Yes, I like my TV just a little on the trashy side...Okay, not just a little; the trashier, the better! (Well, to a point. Sometimes the Jersey Shore can be a tad too smutty for my taste.) 

This may come as a shock to some and seem out of character to those who know me but did not previously share in my little secret. I feel that I make up for my affinity for the raffish by offsetting it with other very classy (maybe even a bit hoity toity) interests such as classical music and wine appreciation, but trashy TV viewing has been my guilty pleasure for years.

Almost as much as I enjoy the programs themselves, I also delight in the commercials that air during such tawdry broadcasting. The usual fare consists of ads for local attorneys who want to help me receive the disability benefits I deserve, companies who want to help me earn my degree online and make up to one million more dollars over the course of my lifetime, and websites and telephone hotlines that want to help me find my soul mate. But, my favorite commercials are the ones for all the useful and innovative new products I can order simply by calling the 800-numbers listed on my screen! I always finding myself L'ingOL at the black & white nincompoops who cannot successfully complete everyday tasks such as putting on shoes or straining pasta by traditional means without disaster nipping at their heels.

One of my latest favorite product ads is the one for Easy Feet, a handy, hands-free device that helps you clean your feet in the bath or shower. (It's like a carwash for your feet!) You can use the nifty suction cups to secure the contraption to a variety of convenient locations throughout your bathroom, as shown in the commercial by the satisfied customer who suctions the dern thing shoulder high on the wall. (Not sure how that's more convenient that bending down to wash your feet with a rag, but to each his own.) Another clip shows a woman soaking in a bubble bath full of rose petals, sipping wine and cleaning her feet with her luxurious new bathtub companion. My favorite part about the ad is the special offer of not one, but two Easy Feet systems included in the regular price. That's one for each foot!

Whew! Feels good to get all that off my chest. Actually, I guess that was kind of two confessions in one: my love for trashy TV and for cheesy commercials. Whatever. I'll sleep easier now having no longer to hide these skeletons in my closet. Good night.